Building Community Amidst Polarization & Controversy

We’ve all had to bite our tongue when discussing controversial political topics. But more often, I’ve been noticing divisiveness in another topic of conversation: parenting. It seems the polarization of political views has made us more comfortable disagreeing with each other. Many of us have made up our minds, taken our sides, and are sticking with our own.

Motherhood is not meant to be a solo journey. We need community to thrive. But since the stakes are so high, it can be uncomfortable to know which topics you can talk about around other moms. 

One of the more extreme examples: vaccination. 

If you vaccinate your children, you’re poisoning them and causing irreversible damage. You’re a sheep.

If you don’t vaccinate your children, you’re putting them at risk and endangering the most vulnerable people in your community. You’re selfish.

These are serious discussions, backed with a lot of passion. Saying the wrong thing to the wrong people can have social repercussions. It’s easier to befriend those that have the same beliefs as us, but is it healthy to have a community that only believes what we believe? I’d say no. We need connection and community, but we also need diversity of thought. Our community is made stronger when we can learn and grow from one another. So what do we do?

Here are some thoughts on forging your own path in a world of extremes. 

Keep Your Outlook In Check

While it’s undeniable that some topics have gotten more divisive, maybe it’s not as harsh out there as it seems. Social media platforms are built to capture our attention and take our time. One way they grab our attention is through promoting controversial content. If you consume a lot of Instagram or TikTok, it’s possible the algorithm is painting an unrealistic picture of the world.

Even if everyone online seems to be talking about hot button issues, that doesn’t mean it’s on the forefront of everyone’s minds in real life. The viewpoints you’re seeing are black and white, but most of us probably live in the gray, uncertain, middle. The only way to know where people really stand is through real conversation and relationships. 

Be Your Messy Self

It may be cliche, but being yourself is more important than ever. Embrace who you are, even if it’s a little messy. It’s okay to be your own unique mix of thoughts, goals, opinions, and parenting styles. You’re not meant to be one dimensional. The caveat, however, is that you need to allow others to be themselves too. Learn to like people for their good traits, even if they have differing viewpoints.

If you disagree on something that you’re passionate about, use it as an opportunity for growth. Talk with your friend respectfully and try to understand their perspective, without pushing your own. If you can’t find middle ground, perhaps you can at least grow in understanding. If that’s impossible, consider how much impact that one thing has on your relationship. It’s up to you to decide how important it is for you to be on the same page. 

It sounds silly, but I felt instantly at ease knowing that we could hike together and still enjoy a scrumptious snack laced with red dye 40. We can have serious conversations about wellness and natural foods, but still live imperfectly balanced lives. It was a reminder that there are many parts to us all and we’re not one dimensional.

To summarize, find community with people who accept you as you are. Talk about the real issues, but be kind. You’re an interesting person with a lot of depth & so are those around you.