Screen time is one of the most guilt-inducing topics of parenting.

There are studies and articles outlining the very real harm technology can have on adolescence. Too much screen-time can lead to behavioral issues, developmental delays, sleep disturbances, obesity and other health issues. As parents, we want what is best for our children, but it feels impossible to avoid screen-time.

Our world revolves around technology. We use our phones for everyday tasks from communicating with family and managing our schedule to ordering groceries and paying bills. Using technology is a necessity in today’s society, even for our kiddos. Not only is it essential, but it also offers endless sources of entertainment. It’s easy to see why we’re all hooked to our screens.

So, if you’re like most moms who can’t realistically avoid screen-time, how can you find balance and reduce the guilt around it? This article will outline three steps to make screen time a more positive experience for families. 

The first step to finding balance and reducing screen time guilt is to inventory your time.

It sounds simple, but it’s essential to healthy screen habits. One of the main issues with screen time is that it can take away time from other more important tasks of childhood. Kids need time to play. They need time outside in nature. They require real friendships and connections with their families. A good night’s sleep is essential. Without these things, kids cannot learn and grow as they’re meant to. When we are confident that our kids’ needs are being met, we can feel more relaxed around screen time. 

Before feeling guilty for your kids’ screen time, consider how they spend their days. List the activities that they do and for how long. Consider if this schedule is meeting your children’s needs or not. For instance, my kids are awake for about 14 hours every day. If I split up their non-screen-time, it looks something like this: 

• Eating meals together (1 hour)
• Meeting basic hygiene needs, like showering, dressing, and brushing teeth (30 minutes)
• Kindergarten homeschooling (1.5 hours)
• Playing outside (3 hours)
• An outing, like going to the library, playground, play-date. (2.5 hours)
• Household chores (30 minutes)
• Playing with toys or family (2 hours)
• Downtime before bed (30 minutes)

I’m sure I’m forgetting something, but surely, there are still many unaccounted hours left in the day! In this example, my kids have two and a half extra hours. They’re learning, exercising, playing, socializing, and soaking in some sunshine. They have many hours in their day that are totally technology free. If we choose to spend our downtime watching a movie together or playing Minecraft, I’m not going to agonize over the screen time. Overall, there is plenty of time within our days for my kids to get their needs met and to watch TV or play a video game. 

Being mindful of your child’s screen time isn’t just about counting the minutes that they use it. It’s about managing their time so they have a happy, balanced day. 

After you’ve mapped out your kid’s day, make adjustments as needed to support a healthy, balanced lifestyle. Set clear boundaries and model healthy behavior around screen time. If their screen time feels too high, encourage alternative activities like crafts, games, sports, and hobbies.

Make note of how your kids feel and behave after screen time. If your kids are super cranky afterwards, it may be a sign that their needs for the day haven’t been met. Maybe they need a snack, some exercise, or just some good ol’ human connection. Maybe certain shows, apps, or games trigger negative responses while others don’t. For instance, my kids can watch a long movie without any issues, but if they watch YouTube for the same amount of time, they’re often dysregulated afterwards. Tuning into the effects screen time has on your family will empower you to make any necessary changes. It’ll take adjusting to find the right balance for your family and different seasons may call for more technology than others.

The second step to finding balance and reducing screen-time guilt is prioritize quality and connection.

Not all shows, movies, apps, or games are created equally. Prioritize finding high-quality content that aligns with your child’s age, learning goals, and interests. To do this, look for reputable brands with age ratings and content warnings. Be wary of sites with user-generated content. It’s always best to preview the entertainment yourself to gauge its appropriateness before sharing it with your kids. Ensure what they’re consuming is safe. With a little research, you can find awesome educational and entertaining resources for your kids.

Screen time doesn’t have to be isolating for your kiddos. You can enjoy screen time with or alongside them and use it as a way to connect with family and friends. 

Being with your children matters. Sharing experiences by watching shows or movies together builds bonds and traditions. A child watching a movie alone on their tablet is a different experience than watching a movie in the living room as a family. Watching with them also allows you to monitor their media consumption.

Gaming together can also be a fun family activity. By joining them in their games, you can learn about your child’s interests and engage in new conversations. And there are few things more enjoyable than an epic Mario Kart tournament with the whole family.

Technology can allow children to connect with others virtually. Facetiming with grandma or playing Minecraft with a new friend from soccer are both forms of connection and communication. While communicating through technology is not as beneficial as in-person socialization, it can be fun and fulfilling. 

My kids have a few older cousins that they do not get to see very often. They spend time with each other on Roblox. It is really fun to see their avatars running through some strange Pop Tart world together. Our kids are in different stages of life and live over 2,000 miles apart, but they can effortlessly spend time together in their virtual worlds. 

How you use technology can reduce feelings of guilt around it. Prioritizing quality content and connection will help keep screen time in check and ensure it’s a positive experience for the whole family.

The third step to finding balance and reducing screen time guilt is to accept that screens are a tool. 

Screens are a tool for us to use. 

After we’ve ensured our kid’s needs are being met and that they’re engaging with high-quality content, we can appreciate the usefulness of technology.

As parents, we don’t always have the time or patience to involve our kids in our daily chores. We can’t do every task while they sleep or else we would never get a good night’s rest ourselves. Naturally, we don’t want to rely on screens every time we have a task to do. However, we can’t deny that they are a helpful tool in many situations. Television shows, movies, or apps can help occupy our kids so we can hop in the shower or mop the floors. Sometimes we use them to simply give us a mental break, which is important too! When we accept that screens are another tool in our parenting kit, we can feel less guilt over using it. 

Reducing screen time guilt can reduce the mental load of parenting. 

If you’re still feeling guilty about screen time, it’s time for some self-reflection. Are you feeling bad because the crunchy moms in your playgroup are screen-free and you feel judged for allowing it in your home? Or are you feeling guilty because you see the ill effects screen time is having on your family, but you haven’t made any adjustment yet? Remember, every mother will choose to parent her family in her own way. You get to choose what is best for your family and you have the power to make necessary changes. You don’t need to feel guilty or ashamed for allowing screen time or not, but only you will know if screen habits need to change. 

I hope that these three steps can help you determine the right balance for your family and reduce any feelings of guilt around screen time.